The Tantrum
Cheat Codes

Welcome, Tired Parent.

You don't need a degree in psychology to handle a toddler meltdown; you just need a plan. This guide is about doing less work with better results.

Section 2: Magic Scripts (1-2)

1Hitting you or sibling

Don't Say"Stop being mean! We don't hit!"

Magic Script"I won't let you hit. You are mad, but hands are not for hitting. I am holding your hands to keep everyone safe."

💡 Physical containment makes them feel safe when out of control.

2Screaming for candy

Don't Say"Stop crying or we are leaving! You are embarrassing me."

Magic Script"You really wanted that candy. It is hard to hear 'no'. We are not buying it, but it's okay to be sad."

💡 Naming the desire ("you wanted that") lowers defenses.

Section 2: Magic Scripts (3-4)

3Refusing to leave

Don't Say"If you don't come right now, I'm leaving you here."

Magic Script"You are having fun. It is sad to say goodbye. Bye-bye swings! Do you want to run to the car or hop?"

💡 Giving a "choice" (run or hop) shifts them back to the thinking brain.

4Throwing food

Don't Say"Stop making a mess! That is naughty!"

Magic Script"Food stays on the table. You are showing me you are all done eating." (Calmly remove the plate).

💡 A boring reaction stops the behavior better than a big reaction.

Section 2: Magic Scripts (5-6)

5Refusing shoes

Don't Say"Put them on right now! Why do you always do this?"

Magic Script"I can see you're struggling. I am going to help your body put these shoes on now. Red or blue shoes?"

💡 They aren't giving you a hard time; they are having a hard time.

6Wanting a toy

Don't Say"You have enough toys. Stop being greedy."

Magic Script"You love that truck. Let's take a picture of it for your birthday list so we don't forget it. We can wave at it."

💡 Taking a picture validates their wish seriously.

Section 2: Magic Scripts (7-8)

7Biting

Don't Say"Don't bite me! That hurts! You are bad!"

Magic Script"Ouch! Mouths are for eating, not biting. I am moving away to keep safe. You can bite this pillow."

💡 Biting is an urge for oral sensory input during stress.

8Refusing bath

Don't Say"Get in the tub or no stories tonight."

Magic Script"You don't want to stop playing. I know. I am going to pick you up and fly you to the bath. Zoom!"

💡 Playfulness is the fastest way to engage the Upstairs Brain.

Section 2: Magic Scripts (9-10)

9Whining for TV

Don't Say"You've watched enough. You're addicted."

Magic Script"It is so hard to turn off Bluey. You wish you could watch all day. I love TV too. But screen time is done."

💡 Empathizing with the dopamine crash helps them regulate faster.

10"I Hate You"

Don't Say"That is disrespectful! Don't you dare."

Magic Script"You are really big mad right now. You don't have to like me, but I love you and I'm here. I can handle it."

💡 Reassuring them that you love them even when angry builds security.

Section 2: Magic Scripts (11-12)

11The "Mine!" Fight

Don't Say"Share! Don't be selfish. Give it to him."

Magic Script"You are still using the red truck. You can tell your brother: 'I am not done yet. You can have it when I'm done.'"

12Bedtime Staller

Don't Say"Go to bed right now or I'm closing the door!"

Magic Script"You are having a hard time resting. You want to stay up with me! It is sleeping time. I am walking you back."

Section 2: Magic Scripts (13-14)

13Interrupting Calls

Don't Say"Be quiet! I am on the phone!"

Magic Script"I see you have something to say. Squeeze my hand so I know you are waiting, and I will answer you as soon as I pause."

14Selective Hearing

Don't Say"Why are you ignoring me?!"

Magic Script(Touch shoulder) "I can see you are busy building that tower. I need your eyes for a moment."

Section 2: Magic Scripts (15-16)

15Running away

Don't Say"Get back here! You are never coming again."

Magic Script"Stop! It is not safe to run near cars. You can hold my hand or I will carry you. Which do you choose?"

16Demanding/Bossy

Don't Say"Don't talk to me like that! I'm not a servant."

Magic Script"You want juice. I can't help when you yell. Try asking in your normal voice: 'Mom, can I have juice please?'"

Section 2: Magic Scripts (17-18)

17Rough with pets

Don't Say"Stop hurting the dog! You're being mean."

Magic Script"Gentle. The kitty likes soft hands. If you pull her tail, we have to move away from the kitty to keep her safe."

18Car Seat Battle

Don't Say"Sit down! We are going to be late!"

Magic Script"I know, you hate being stuck. You want to move free! I am going to buckle you fast so we can get going."

Section 2: Magic Scripts (19-20)

19Potty Accident

Don't Say"Did you pee yourself? You're a big boy!"

Magic Script"Uh oh, your pants are wet. That feels cold and yucky. Let's go get some dry clothes. Accidents happen."

20Separation Anxiety

Don't Say"Stop crying, you'll be fine. Look at the toys!"

Magic Script"You are sad to see me go. You wish we could stay together. I will always come back to get you after snack time."

Section 3: Emergency Resets

Section 4: Reminder Card